Life Perceived by Me

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Disappointed

‘You can’t give your children the childhood you had.’

I am not sure I wanted the exact childhood I had because frankly it wasn’t all that great. However I wanted to provide them something different, something better. One aspect of my upbringing I wanted to make sure they experienced was the large family, the loving extended family. The aunt’s that came and picked you up in the early morning to go on random trips. I wanted them to have the aunt or uncle that played store with them or took them out to a quick lunch as a surprise.

Instead they’ve gotten inconsistent exposure to people and I’ve had tons of disappointment. I don’t know why this bothers me it shouldn’t. My children have two very consistent people in their lives, us, the parents, the most important ones. Which is much better then what I had. Yet I can’t get it out of my mind, I can’t help but beat myself up because somehow I was suppose to ensure that they had exactly what I wanted them to. Yet we all know, life isn’t perfect. It just is!

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Who Gave You Permission to Grow?

Two years old, its a milestone. Its a milestone that our oldest child, our baby girl just reached. Two years old crept up on us like a thief in the night. It didn’t really we saw it coming but it suddenly became a bigger deal when with reaching two years old came potty trained and sleeping in a toddler bed.

I’m running out of time, running out of time to figure out what kind of Mother I am going to be. ‘I know’ I am already whatever kind of Mother I am going to be. Why is it then do I still question my tactics? She’s two years old, next thing I know she’s going to be starting school and where I am I going to be then?

We have very well-behaved children; almost unusually well-behaved. Jaciel Polina doesn’t throw fits or cries unnecessarily. When she acts out and by that I mean cries aloud or whines its usually due to exhaustion or frustrations due to our lack of understanding what it is she is attempting to communicate. It doesn’t happen often. She is quite, reserved and slow to warm. She is observant and unusually bright. I am so proud of her.

Yet why is growing up so bittersweet? I look at babies and I just want to hold on to Jaciel, the tiny Jaciel but then I wouldn’t give up the beautiful little girl, young lady she is becoming. Its all so fear laden. Each stage, each new development comes with new fears but the old ones aren’t gone just pushed back by more pressing ones. I swear I am going to live a short life because I am so stressed out about what might be that I forget to see what is.

It hurts me to know that I in no way can protect my children from the world around them. Its such a volatile environment out there. Where such evils take place. Can I prepare them for the world beyond the safety I try to provide? Am I prepared for them to face it? Its less them and more me.

One day my son will want more then the spinning he does on the ABC sponge tiles and his rattlers or the cars my daughter shows him. Soon my daughter will go off to daycare and socialize with other children from different backgrounds. The world will be theirs to explore and I will only be here to watch and guide. No longer will I be able to shelter and protect and the fear is nearly heart-attack worthy.

I’m enjoying Jaciel’s new found ability to voice her desire to go nap or go to bed in the evening, signs of self awareness. Such unmistakable independence. She’s coming into her own so quickly and settling comfortably in her own skin. It’s such a magical transformation to watch. Soon her need for Mama and Papa will lessen. What will I do then. 😦 I didn’t imagine it to happen so quickly. I can still remember the tiny helpless baby needing Mommy for everything. Communicating only in cries and whines. Now it’s words and very specific actions. They grow and as wonderful as it is it’s bittersweet. Her personality is all her own and it’s obviously full of love and empathy. A beautiful person is developing and I fear the reality of the world with it’s horrors will dampen her spirit. Same with Nikolay, I can already see his calm curious nature. The loving light that shines through his baby blues. Such a beautiful soul with endless potential.

Am I the only parent experiencing these feelings?

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Our Son

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Our Daughter and her Papa

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What Makes My Life WONDERFUL

THIS IS OUR DAUGHTER DANCING ABOUT WITH HER PAPA. I LOVE HOW UNRESERVED SHE IS. HOW MUCH FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION SHE HAS. THE GIGGLES AND JOY IN HER FACE IS THE BEST. I COULDN’T ASK FOR A BETTER BLESSING IN MY LIFE THEN MY TWO BABIES. (OUR SIX MONTH OLD ISN’T SHOWN IN THIS VIDEO)

Our daughter has such a personality. She is quiet, calm and reserved but you turn on some music and it gets her moving.

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Accident’s Happen

There is nothing scarier then a child becoming severely injured. The kind of fear that courses through a parents body is nearly immobilizing yet we push through. Accidents, try as we might to avoid them all, happen. The outcome can range from bad to the unthinkable.

Imagine …

You place a mug of water for tea in the microwave, and flip it on. Of course you walk away without a second thought. Your two year old is running about throughout the house following you around and playing with toys.

You walk into your room to don some clothes for the day. Without a second thought you lose sight of your little two year old. Its just a second, right.

What you don’t know is your pride and joy has taken a kitchen table chair. She has pushed that chair up to the counter top and to the microwave. Climbs up, curious as children naturally are.

She opens the microwave to find the mug of steaming water. She of course thinks of all the yumminess that could be in that cup. Juice is I am sure the first thought that comes to mind. Little does she know that cup is holding piping hot liquid that is about to scald her skin sending a blood curdling scream through the house and reaching the ears of her mother instilling a fear like no other!

  • FACT – The majority of children ages 4 and under who are hospitalized for burn-related injuries suffer from scald burns (65 percent) or contact burns (20 percent).
  • FACT – Approximately 88,000 children ages 14 and under were treated at hospital emergency rooms for burn-related injuries  62,500 were thermal burns and 25,500 were scald burns.
  • FACT – Hot tap water scald burns cause more deaths and hospitalizations than any other hot liquid burns.

No one can be everywhere. At some point we all need to shower, go to the restroom or just put on some clothes. During those few minutes, couple seconds a tragedy can take place. Serious injuries and even death can occur. 

Burn related injuries are more common then we’d like to imagine. Just looking at the statistics I’ve found. Its astonishing.

  • FACT – Most scald burns to children, especially small children between the ages of 6 months and 2 years, are caused by hot foods or liquids spilled in the kitchen, or other areas where food is prepared and served

Preventing things like this from happening isn’t easy. Awareness is the only thing we can do. Teaching what the word ‘hot’ means and that they aren’t to touch particular things. Child safety gates are good to have. They provide an extra protection for your little one.

  • FACT – Most tap water scald burns occur in the bathroom, and tend to cover larger portions of the body more severely.
  • FACT – Burns caused by the microwave are usually scald burns (95 percent) caused by spilled hot liquid or foods. Most microwave scald burns occur to the trunk or the face.

Please be careful, beware of hot liquids, and the hot water in the bathtub. Teach your children the word ‘hot’ and what it means. Be aware of where your baby boy or girl are at all times. Danger lurks everywhere.

My friends daughter has 2nd degree burns down her chin, covering her torso and her left thigh. Her curiosity got the best of her and she wanted to know what was in the mug in the microwave. That curiosity yeilded her bad burns. The local hospital nearly killed her with there inexperience in treating pediatric patients, giving her way too much narcotics (Morphine to be specific) depressing her respiratory function which was already compromised by a typical winter cold. Thankfully she is now home, healing and we hope she doesn’t scar too badly but only time will tell. Such a traumatic experience for all those involved.

Hug your babies, watch them.

The information collected is from Boston Children’s Hospital, Fire safety and burn injury statistics.

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This is the Year

I’ve decided to make changes to my life this year. I’ve already started to look more into finding a fitting religion to help me build a solid foundation for our children. I am also planning to start down the path to a Vegan lifestyle. I am starting with the food in our home. The eighth of every month is grocery day. Therefore the eighth is the DAY that our Vegan life is going to begin.

I make jokes about this entire decision. My husband has this love of food documentaries. I always moan when he brings yet another one up on Netflix for us to watch but secretly love them. This time I picked out one, it was called Vegucated. I tell him that all his video’s are now backfiring on him because he to is becoming a vegan along with me.

 

As you can see from the trailer above its about becoming vegan and learning about all the benefits in choosing this particular lifestyle. I have always leaned towards being more of an herbivore then an omnivore naturally. Meat is heavy and hard to digest. It never had settled well with me. The ethical front. I’ve never had so much of an issue with killing an animal humanely after providing a safe natural life for them that is equally as humane. Giving them respect because of what they are so graciously providing for us. However the horrible lives that are given these animals is beyond inhumane. Examples are how they grind baby chicks up alive and discard them, the cattle in the dairy’s and beef cattle are neglected, they aren’t given any vet care and are left to die if they are ill. Talk about in humane. Even the collection of fish, its just cruel. I can’t get the images out of my mind. Prior to this I had some issues with the treatment of farm animals, such as the fact that cattle are forced to sit, lay and walk around in there own feces without a blade of fresh grass to be seen. Then the rumors that they are feeding cows, which are vegetarian by nature bone meal which is evil. Now I have even more images in my mind that make it difficult for me to even look at a dairy.

I just wish I had someone to walk me through this process. So I know what to buy on grocery day. I wish I had a friend to help me create a collection of recipes to do for my family so this transition won’t be too shocking for them.

 

Why am I doing all this, well I want to be alive and as healthy as possible for my family. I want to watch my children grow and develop. I want to see them get married and provide me with grandchildren if they choose. Its bad enough that medically I’ll likely be wheelchair bound by my mid to late forties. I do this for myself and for my family.

Wish me luck! I have my concerns. I am worried about the economic effects this will have on my family and the nutritional balance for my children. I am in no way worried that it can’t be done I am just worried that I won’t do it right. I am going to do this!

In a few months I hope to be starting to also become gluten free.

 

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Fatal Distration: Forgetting a Child in the Backseat of a Car is a Horrifying Mistake. Is it a Crime?

Fatal Distraction: Forgetting a Child in the Backseat of a Car is a Horrifying mistake. Is it a Crime?

I can’t count how often I’ve had nightmarish thoughts of something happening to my babies. I have many fears and the fact that the world is the way it is at perpetuates them. Not to mention the natural parenting fears.

Am I going to be a good parent?

Will I keep them safe?

Then all that rushes through you when they are born, how tiny they are and the fragile nature of their body. (Believe it or not they aren’t as fragile as we think. Babies are super resilient little suckers. Thank god!)

I read this and my eyes began to burn. The thought of such a painful tragedy activated my tear ducks. I felt a tear begin to sting my eyes and roll down my cheek. I kept reading and this fathers plight, guilt, and grief made my chest tighten. I couldn’t say “How could you leave your baby in the car?” all I wanted to do is hug him and tell him it was going to be alright. That it was an unfortunate mistake.

It isn’t going to be alright and as much of a mistake as it was. Mistake by no means describes the incident. The melancholy that must now fill these parents heart has feel never-ending. During Gene Weingarten interview with Warschauer the subject of wordage comes up “The word ‘accident’ makes it sound like it can’t be prevented,” Warschauer says, “but ‘incident’ makes it sound trivial. And it is not trivial.”

What can you say? The mind isn’t a flawless machine. We make mistakes all the time. As mom’s I know the first thing that came to mind when I read the title of the article I said to my husband, “How could any parent ‘forget’ their child!” As I read it I couldn’t get past the sadness and grief that instantly hit me. (If I could only communicate in written form like this Gene Weingarten, amazing!)

I didn’t realize this happens as often as it does. So many pointless deaths. Not with malicious intent or any intent at all just a mistake. A mistake that claims a life. Not a life that has had years to experience the world around them but a life just beginning. A helpless person still struggling to conform to world outside of the womb. Writing about this now makes me battle my natural instinct to weep and hold onto my children tightly.

The situation as a whole is distressing, filled with inconsolable grief and regret.

I just couldn’t even begin to imagine. Can you?

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The Cycle Continues

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“the best predictor of human behavior is past behavior”

-Unknown-

Those who don’t learn from their past are doomed to repeat it, really, who knew.

Yes, that is sarcasm.

*Sigh*

You’d think that a simple concept such as this would be very easily understood yet all we tend to do is ‘doom’ ourselves by repeating history. If something doesn’t work why do it again?

“The best predictor of human behavior is past behavior” the truth in this statement is disheartening because human behavior doesn’t seem to give me much hope. This phrase can be applied to everything. Politics, educational system, the big world of finance, and even parenting. The list really goes on and on.

My husband likes to point out how pessimistic I am, and my previous post “I Am a Realist”  shows I am not a pessimist. I just see it as it is. Look at the world, the people in it, not all by any means but the majority has really done nothing but keep the cycle going. The government and war seems to be synonymous haven’t realized that war doesn’t fix anything? All it does is cost money, that isn’t there, create mayhem and take lives. The educational system has made some changes and in some aspects, some improvements. Good schools do exist with worthy education but removing the arts and focusing more on test scores rather then actual education. Haven’t we seen this before. Why are we mistreating those willing to sacrifice comfortability and financial security to teach our children the least we can do is our job. Which leads me to the parenting side of the coin.

Allow me to repeat this blogs ‘phrase of the day’ “The best predictor of human behavior is past behavior.” applying this to parenting isn’t a huge leap its more like a shuffle to the left. A blog that I frequent,  How To Be A Dad, he posted a blog titled Ugliness about the parenting he saw at the park and just as he mentioned he is no one to judge nor am I. I just want to point out the horrible bullying problem do we really not know why. Honestly we learn how to treat others by how we are treated. That’s a whole different blog the point is however why are we continuing the cycle.

When we become a parent. Having a child is a choice! (I understand there are exceptions to the rule, but again another post) We have a decision to make, we need to choose how to bring up our child. Now why would you knowingly continue a cycle of abuse whether it be physical, emotional or otherwise. Are you going to tell me that you aren’t aware how to change? That my friend is total utter BS if I’ve ever heard it.

With all the low cost and/or free assistance available plus the wonderful world of books, and the internet. You have no excuse to do the things you do. Don’t have a computer, fine its called a library.

It maddens me. Parenting skills today make my skin crawl. The worst of it is we can easily predict what will be the fate of these children just by looking at the behavior of the parental figures. Such a sad time we live in and I am doing my part to bring about change it by bringing up my children differently.

Try as I might to hold out hope its hard when the world I see outside my window seems so bleak.

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I Am A Realist….

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Or am I? My wonderful other half just likes to pin me as a total pessimist. I don’t believe so. Therefore I decided to look it up, which is one of my favorite things.

Realist according to the internet on FreeDictionary.com is someone who is a pragmatist.  A person who is aware of and accepts the physical universe, events, etc., as they are or one inclined in the literal truth.

That definition is curious to me being accepting things “as they are” really depends on what you perceive they are. Right? Most things in life depend on perception. Who decides what the literal truth is? Seems so clear cut but nothing in this world is.

Optimism, well optimistic I am not but we will take a look at is anyway. An Optimist “the word is originally derived from the latin optimum, meaning “best.” Being optimistic, in the typical sense of the word, ultimately means one expects the best possible outcome from any given situation. This is usually referred to in psychology as dispositional optimism.” Thank you Wikipedia.

Lets just say optimism isn’t something I really can ever be accused of practicing. Not that I am completely pessimistic. The glass is obviously half full but that in turn means its half empty. Always room for more to be poured in. Its hard for me to see how complete optimism is healthy. I don’t want to be blindsided by the reality of a situation because I’d much rather look at everything with rose colored glasses. No offense to the optimists out there but without my pragmatism there wouldn’t be balance in the world.

Pessimism, we all love to use that word right. Its the frame of mind we supposedly all strive to NOT be in. According to our favorite Wikipedia “Pessimism is a state of mind in which one anticipates undesirable outcomes or believes that the evil or hardships in life outweighs the good or luxuries.” As much as a pessimist my partner claims I am I don’t believe that the hardships in life outweigh the good. At no point does evil become more important than the good in the world. I am not going to ignore the reality of hardships but I won’t allow them to control and dictate my thoughts. I think a pessimist I am not!

Now Pragmatist seems to fit me very well. “Pragmatism is based on the premise that the human capability to theorize is necessary for intelligent practice. Theory and practice are not separate spheres; rather, theories and distinctions are tools or maps for finding our way in the world. As John Dewey put it, there is no question of theory versus practice, but rather of intelligent practice versus uninformed practice.” Wikipedia couldn’t have made that more confusing sounding could they. Its essentially a practical approach to life. Yet again what practical means to one person may not be the same to another.

I say I am a pragmatist that leans towards realism and as far away from depending on optimism.

What category do you fall in?

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Religion

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As subjects go that we shy away from Religion has to be at the top or maybe just under politics. Mostly because passions run high and people in general have no aptitude for discussion. They confuse discussing a subject with arguing. Most resort to name calling, foul language and the like. Its not pretty and I’ve seen it so many times. Oh and most aren’t able to admit when they truly just ‘don’t know’ an answer to a question, rather they attempt to fight for something that they have no adequate knowledge of.

Being a parent consumes my life, being a good parent and providing a solid foundation is my main goal. Most are of the opinion part of that foundation should consist of a religious doctrine. I am not, not a fan of organized religion. I am undecided about some things but one I am sure of is a god must exist I just don’t understand his reasoning.

I was raised Jehovah’s Witness, oh yea let the comments fly. As a whole I agree with the moral base and I believe in the god they hold on high. However much I don’t understand and I yet to find some one who consistently wants to deal with my doubts and questions. Its not a cult and no not everyone whom profess to be followers of the faith follow as they should. Truly isn’t that most things and most people? How many Catholics do you know who actually follow they rules as they claim? Not that some don’t but just be honest with yourself instead of throwing stones.

I am looking, searching for the religious cornerstone of my foundation for bringing up baby, to build upon for my children. I am having such a difficult time with it.

Three main religions grasp my attention. Islam, Judaism and my old faithful of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Islam is a beautiful religion filled with such wonder for the outsider. I am VERY interested. The modesty, the treatment of women (when practiced as intended) and the tolerant attitude. As I mentioned above not every one whom claim a religion truly follows as intended. I don’t have a full understanding of it in its entirety. I am in no place to judge or fling stone. There are extremists everywhere and with everything.

I however am interested in the doctrine, way of life and all included. I don’t work well on just FAITH without understanding. Its my flaw and my strength.

Judaism seems to have more history behind it, more fact but I yet to find someone who is willing to explain to me the ins and outs. The history grabs my attention and has yet to let go of it.

Jehovah’s Witnesses… so many have created a bad image and a great deal I think has to do with the publicity that they received by claiming to be following such an unusual religion. I personally have dealt with the corruption within the organization. No worse or better then in any other organization. However the foundation and the ideals I find wholesome.

I am trying to find a wholesome, moral place to bring up baby with awareness. Creating the best foundation seems to be the hardest part. Not the wake ups, the money troubles but teaching the right way to live. Laying down the right rules and providing something to believe in.

People interpret things differently, live differently and choose differently. Who am I to judge or point fingers. The only person I can control or judge is myself. I wish society truly understood that concept.

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A Very Interesting Post from a FELLOW BLOGGER!

I enjoyed this entry very much by British Asian Mum. Rape isn’t just India’s problem and it is very sad that people have a habit of pointing fingers at one culture or one place rather then taking a look in their proverbial back yard.

Rape, molestation, crime’s of all types, famine, poverty, child abuse, prejudices and the many other issues seen on the news aren’t one places issue or one races issue they are EVERYWHERE, EVERYONE issues.

British Asian Woman

*Trigger warning* This post contains potentially disturbing material of rape

Picture the scene. A woman in a bar. Dressed up for a night out, drinking and having fun. A group of men at the other side spot her. She leaves her drink on the table with her friend and goes to the toilet. She comes back and finishes the drink. Gradually she becomes more and more giddy, as if going under an anaesthetic.

She wakes up in hospital with sharp stabbing pains in her groin and pelvic area. Her legs and arms are covered in bruises. Her left eye is so badly swollen she can barely see out of it. She has no recollection of the night before, what happened to her or how she ended up in hospital.

It transpires that her drink had been spiked. She was taken outside and gang raped by the group of men that…

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