Life Perceived by Me

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Is The Grass Really Any Greener Some Where Else?

on January 8, 2013


Raising my children is the most important path I’ve ever chosen. Its fulfilling in way’s that no words can describe but it is the most difficult path ever walked upon. Endless twists and turns, endless decisions to be made with no map to speak of. All I want is to do a good job. I strive to provide more then my parents and to go beyond my own expectations. My goal is to have them become happy, well rounded, well educated, honest, kind and beautiful human beings. Realizing I nor anyone else can force them to become any one beyond who they are I know I have limitations. I however can provide a strong foundation, a moral standard to follow and habits that will carry them through the life long development process.

I know that loving them unconditionally and providing a safe home environment is essential. Balanced amounts of affection, understanding and consequences are all important parts of bringing up baby with a strong moral compass. Each day comes with its own challenge and its own beautiful reward. Every new word spoken, every smile and giggle brings unimaginable amounts of joy to my heart. Each tear brings indescribable pangs to my core. When my child hurts I feel it physically in the very atoms that compose every part of me. That being said each decision I make seem to be more important then the last. I know that each choice I make plays a part in the upbringing of my babies.

As decisions go I am facing a giant one, to relocate or not to relocate. Is the grass really any greener some where else? Are my motivations those that matter or will again my expectations not be met? Is disappointment all that will meet me across the many miles?

We decided to move our family, mostly by my incessant convincing, to the valley where I spent a large part of my childhood. Taking us away from the big city back to what I swore would be a better life. Trees growing naturally, open land and a wholesome approach to life. Just to be hit with the reality of expansion. Expansion that brought more ignorant idiots, schools that are so behind that kids are graduating without out the basic skills to help them land a job or worse yet not graduating. All the land that I remember loss to housing developments that no one can afford. Jobs are scarce and the higher education options are just pathetic. I was so wrong and should have listened to my husband when he tried to produce reasons to stay in the city. Such as the cultural variety, the ability to walk down the street and hear languages for every kind being spoken and of course the food. One of my very arguments to move back to a small town was the fresh produce being so close. “Straight off the farm” I said and it wasn’t a lie; at least not an intentional one. For as a child orchards filled the open space where track homes now are built upon. Needless to say now we could get fresher produce and better groceries in the big city with the amount of the health conscience people populating the area.

The level of education is a beast all its own. I need my daughter and my son when the time comes to be able to flourish in school. Not be met with boredom cultivating hateful feelings towards education. I remember the endless amounts of boredom I experienced in school which added to my bad choices almost landed me in the same boat as all the other non-diploma carrying. I despised school but yet I love learning. The education system didn’t have what I needed to excel. The teachers were/are all underpaid and over controlled. Its a hateful situation. Due to the failing education system the majority don’t get anywhere. The language you hear walking down the road consist of more foul words then anything else. Many of these people wouldn’t know what a dictionary was much less how to use it. I don’t want that to be what our children hear. I don’t want them to assume that the drug abusing, weapon packing, foul mouthed gangsters and their equally foul mouthed prepubescent offspring is the norm.

Now is relocating yet again the answer? We are currently discussing a move back up towards the city. Is one place truly any better then any other at this point? School shootings, horrid education systems, failing colleges and disappearing art programs. Not to mention the lack of humanity, ability to communicate, moral compass and general kindness becoming the socially accepted normal.

What can I do?

Raising another human being, much less two, is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. We have been blessed with them, they teach us so much that we’ve forgotten as we dove into life’s struggles. The least I can do is do my job right but it feels like everything is going against me. I hate what this world has morphed into. Where do I go and how do I show my children that better does exist if I am struggling to believe it myself?


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