Life Perceived by Me

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on January 9, 2013


Have you ever looked up the word Personality? It explains what it is in a very exact way but doesn’t explain what it is. I’ve looked for information about how much “personality” is genetic or learned. I’ve tried to figure out “pre-kids” if I was going to curse them with the parts of me I hate. I couldn’t find a definitive answer. All I found is speculations.

When do you start to feel your own personality emerge and how much of it is learned as oppose to genetic?

Before my daughter was born I was told so many things. Parents trying to educate new parents but really some of it is just rubbish. One of the many things that I was told is your child doesn’t have much of a personality when they are small, they have no aptitude for love or self expression until they are nearly ready to begin school. Oh and as they grow to help them express themselves I need to allow them to act out.

Well I am of a different parenting style, maybe a little old fashion and for my age bracket that is very DIFFERENT. I will swear that my children both my boy and girl have HUGE personalities. Vastly different from one another and these personalities begin to show themselves from day one. It shows in how they sleep or don’t sleep and how or when they cry. I can tell you my daughter, bless her little heart, is much like myself. Which I hope to teach her isn’t a bad thing although my critical perception of my own personality is beyond harsh. She is strong, independent, impatient but needy. She is like a cat doesn’t want you to leave but doesn’t always want you to be around. Just make sure you are around when she wants you to be. Everything in her own time. She needs to be in control, a trait that apparently she was predisposed to due to myself. It wasn’t okay for me when I was a child it was frowned upon. My tendency to be empathetic was beaten down to a point I was embarrassed of it willing to give anything to force the entire concept of emotions to be a non-existent. Needless to say it wasn’t very conducive to a happy adolescence and caused a slightly troublesome young adulthood. I refuse to do that to my daughter and I know that in some way’s I am probably going to screw up.

My son on the other hand is six months old. His personality is more affectionate, a little slower paced. He is content with that. Still independent and much less serious. Our daughter is so serious that most think she is scowling when really she is just checking you out and waiting for the right moment to open up, she got that from me to. Mister Man, our son is much like his father and it shines. His blue eyes are inviting and his beautiful happy demeanor even when he doesn’t feel the best is just all Papa. I hope to help him grasp onto that and let it help drive him through life.

I don’t understand people that claim that babies don’t have there rightful personalities. Granted babies are selfish creatures by design. Survival is selfish kind of work when you can’t do things for yourself.

Allowing my children to become who they are without giving them complexes about the natural personality they were given is a big job. Its so easy to accidently make comments rather it be about yourself or about your partner or a stranger that indirectly affect your child. They listen to everything that is around them. Just because they may not know what a word completely means, you’d be surprised how much is communicated by your tone, body language and over all vibe. Especially with a more empathetic child.

How do we allow them to become who they are without stifling them but at the same time showing that somethings are better expressed in different ways due to social standards? Or is that in itself not allowing them to become whomever they are?

Is the parent that say’s “.. they are just expressing themselves.” when the two year old is tossing a fit and rather then curbing that habit allows it.

Is that person correct by doing so?

Or is the one that explains that the way to express oneself is by learning words and talking rather then yelling suppressing the child’s ability to develop his or her way of self expression?

Are we damaging our children by helping them fit into society’s way or our own version of what is acceptable and what isn’t?

Is there a correct answer?

I know that my goal is to lay a foundation that focuses on knowing how to express oneself with words properly. How to say things with a kind finesse and with a vast vocabulary where there will be no need to regress to child-like antics such as name calling, mumbling, screaming and tossing fits. Or resort to curse words as the only form of self expression, violence both very ignorant ways to explain ones standing. Most importantly I don’t want them to back down from a battle of wits due to lack of understanding or inability to find the words to convey their thoughts.

Now to do this without damaging my child. I wish that children came with a instruction book. Its so difficult to decide what is the RIGHT way or if a RIGHT way truly does exist when it comes to bringing up baby!


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