Life Perceived by Me

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Greatest Fear

on January 10, 2013


Its a cold room with no windows, only a large heavy looking door and solid cement walls. No sound can be heard and no one can hear my calls. I am screaming for salvation to no avail. After what feels like hours, although possibly only minutes because fear makes time pass in mysterious ways, I try the knob on the door. Only to find that the knob on the large door turns with ease. The room only leads to an equally intimidating hallway then to another scary rooms without any people.  Alone. Scared. Trying to keep it together. Where are my kids? What happened to my family? Why on earth cannot I not recall anything beyond that small cold room? Alone, all alone.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Can you tell what my fear is? “Alone, all alone.” I never wanted to be one of those people who admitted the need for others, the need of support and love from another person to keep me sane. Then as I grew older and more self-aware I realized, I just like everyone else need others. We are interdependent creatures by nature. Not a single one of us can survive without another in our life. For me this realization was almost painful. It made me feel weak and unable to “hack” it per say. My biggest fear is that loneliness that can’t be helped. To lose everyone I’ve ever loved and cared for. To lose them and not be able to save them or worse yet be that cause of that loss.

I can close my eyes and see ever unimaginable tragedy that could befall someone I care for. This crazy imagination of mine can conjure up such real situations that my five senses experience sensations due to what I imagine. I assume that makes my mind a nifty machine that can imagine with such realism. You’d think this would drive me crazy, paranoid and render me unable to interact with society. Thankfully I have strong enough of a grasp on the real then the unreal has on me.

What is your greatest fear? Do you control them or do they control you? Do you think that the fear you have would have the ability to interrupt your daily life if you allowed it to?

Fear in itself is an interesting concept. Fear keeps you safe. You fear what you perceive may be dangerous to your well-being. This also includes the unknown and the new. Honestly we fear EVERYTHING until we find a reason not to. Its a wonderful survival tactic that we have built in. Fear can also turn into a life changing, even crippling problem if allowed  to become a “phobia /pho·bia/ (fo´be-ah) a persistent, irrational, intense fear of a specific object, activity, or situation (the phobic stimulus), fear that is recognized as being excessive or unreasonable by the individual himself. When a phobia is a significant source of distress or interferes with social functioning, it is considered a mental disorder (sometimes called a phobic disorder ); in DSM-IV phobias are classified with the anxiety disorders and are subclassified as agoraphobia, specific phobias, and social phobias.pho´bic”     I guess mine could easily become a true phobia, catastrophic thinking is part of my over all personality type.

Now to make sure that my fears don’t rub off so to speak onto my offspring or infiltrate the whole of my life. I dive into books, writing and hobbies that keep me knowledgeable of the world around me. I let go of what I can’t control and take a deep breath reminding myself that my phobia’s aren’t and never will be the controlling factor in my life. I don’t see anything wrong with the fact my brain and body works this way. Its to keep me safe and aware. I just don’t see how people such as myself allow these overwhelming, because they are indeed overwhelming, catastrophic  thinking take over the life they would have. Everything needs to go in its proper place. That is what I do.

Can anyone relate?

Interesting Video from TED TALKS


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