Life Perceived by Me

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2013 … 2014

on December 30, 2013

Is it really going to be 2014?

Is my eldest child going to be three years old?

Oh my god, am I going to be thirty?

Yup. Yes and yes.

This past year has been filled with challenges and milestones. Oh and pregnancy. So much has taken place that I am not sure where to begin. Jaciel started her Pre-Preschool and has advanced wonderfully gaining social skills that only being around other children and new experiences could give her. Nikolay started a wonderful Daycare routine providing him with a chance to grow and sprout in ways that I don’t feel he would have hanging around home. It makes me smile, scares me and makes me proud.

We lost my beloved uncle but he was laid to rest surrounded by his loved ones in the comfort of the home he cherished feeling, I hope, a much better sense of safety and comfort not found in a hospital surrounded by strangers. He spent a life filled by his two most loved hobbies. Cooking and the 49’ners. Appreciated and loved unconditionally by four wonderful sisters, and a mother that was gave her all to teach him to function in a hearing world although he was shrouded by silence. Missed so much the one year anniversary of his passing came and went this month on the 15th. The first set of family holidays were laced with a indescribable feeling of something missing. Yet we as a family celebrated them with him in our hearts, on our minds and he was kept present in our souls. This year was all about the kids, which is how’d he want it. Difficult has it may have been each one of us waded through our grief in each our unique ways and found solace in one another’s company.

Family members moved, started new things, stressed and recovered. We’ve been tested, learned new lessons and grown throughout the year adding to our lives new experiences.

Lastly a new little girl will be making her debut into this crazy world soon bringing with her hope and the essence of new life. Olena Rose, my last and final child with the due date of February will probably be here some time next month to greet the world and take her first breath. I am excited and anxious. Along with the excitement comes a bit of sadness, I wish as I do often that my father was present to meet his grand-babies and now I wish not only one but both my uncles could also join in the celebration of new life. With them both gone majority of the male figures in my life are gone but always with me in spirit.

Our eldest, Jaciel and our son Nikolay are also excited. Jaciel being old enough to truly understand that she will soon have a sister joining the world is beside herself. Repeating often how her sister is in mama’s belly and trying to explain to her little brother of only 17 months that he will soon have a baby sister and he will need to be careful. They both will now experience the wonderful gift of new life and as uncomfortable as I am at this very moment I am excited to provide this new experience to them both to bond over.

Myself, personally have experienced many changes in this last year. Our losses and gains have been many and obviously not all pleasant. I forgone county work, a beautifully mapped out three year plan and a large home to do what was best for my extended family. A move and a slight decline in some aspects all worth it to be present for the ones I love and help in the only way I knew to. Although all may not have worked out according to ‘the plan’ planned its okay, because in the larger picture things always pan out.

I welcome the new year with open arms and a big pregnant belly!

‘Cheers’ to the new year!

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